Training to be soldier~~

Training to be soldier~~
Fight for our land~~
Once in our life~~ 
Two years of our time~~

This are the few lyrics that we kept singing throughout our BMT period~~
Second part of the lyrics goes~~
Have you ever wondered~~
Why must we served??~~
Because we love our land~~
And we want it to be free to be free~~

When comes to this part, i do wonders sometimes, and i think, it should be, because we got no choice, and we lan lan have to serve have to serve~~

HAHAHA~~

But nvertheless~

Despite how much complain we wanna make, this is something that every man in singapore gotta go thru~~
At first,i wasnt really ready for it or even prepare for it, as i am really used to the days slacking whole day, doing what i want and not to do what i dun like~~

But here in army, we just got no choice but we just got to push ourselves and keep moving forward and not to think that when issit gonna end~

Being in BMT, friends are those that kept us motivated and keep us entertain or to complain to,as they are the one that are going all the shit and hardwork together with me~

Other than my friends in BMT, family plays a part too~
And her too, plays a huge part in keeping me going and going until the end~~

Because at the end of every week of hardwork and hardship, she will always be there waiting for me and welcoming me with big hugs and kisses, which i love alot alot alot~~

And i know that with her there, i know i can do it~
But i know i gotta be independent, because if one weekend i dun see her,what am i gonna do??
Of course, i will be fine, as though, she cant be there for me seeing her every weekend, but she will always be there in my heart forever, and that's what matters,mentally and physically^^

Thank you my dear~~
and i look  forward to the end of the journey doing this~~

During my Enlistment day~

Like i mentioned, my enlistment day was on 30 July 2012,monday~

That day my mom was the only one that accompanied me to BMTC~

My dear wished to come,and i wish too, however she's having schools on that day, that day i really do miss her alot that when i saw other people enlisting,their gf also came to send them off, so i do admit that i was quite a bit of jealous~

So i told my daer about it, she said this to me that, she know that if she were to come and send me off,she will definitely cry until the entire camp flood de, which i think it will really happened, that's how much my dear misses me and cant bear for me to go for NS~
However, i told her and assure her that we will definitely be able to go through it together de, really glad to have someone like her by my side~~

Okay, anyway, i got into BMTC School 2, Jaguar Company~

And i actually saw a handful of my friends that actually got into the same company as me

We will be going through,on paper 9 weeks of BMT but in fact i was 10 week of BMT as the first week is consider Week 0~~

So ya lor,kana cheated,hahaha

Before the day i book in, my dear actually accompanied me the entire day, as we all thought that we wun be seeing each other for 2 weeks~~

And when she was about to go home, she cried while on her way home, cried again when she reached home,cried when she was sleeping, and wake up the next day crying again, omg dear, where did you store all these amount of tears in your body neh??? Can cry so much oh,haiyo~~
Then i told her, dun worry la,i will only be confined for 2 weeks,after 2 weeks jiu can come out le~~

But i nver know~ the confinement period(but they call it adjustment period) is actually 2 weekends but not 2 weeks, so which means i will be confined for 3 WEEKS instead~~
When my dear know about it, she feel sad again, and cried again,hahahaha~~
My silly girl, every tear that she drops, i means how much i stand in her, and means how much i should treasure her and take good care of her, oh come to think of it, hahaha,stress~~

HEE HEE~~
jking la,dun worry my dear, i will definitely take good care of you de,cuz you know why??
cuz i love you:))

So smile always okay:DD

I love your smile alot alot alot alot~
:DD

Fast Forward~~

Let's fast forward to the end of July where my enlistment day is getting close which is 30 July 2012 in BMTC.

When the days actually coming near, i always mention about my bunch of good friends with Ahbiaa, sharing with her the stuffs that we did in the past,and how they kept me accompany whenever i need them~~

So one day they actually gave me a surprise which i thought was just a simple dinner,but i nver knew that she actually secretly arrrange a farewell dinner for me invited all of them~~

That time i was craving for crab,so all of them actually fork out and treated me crab, and that time i was really happy, thanks guys, i love you all and i love you even more my dear~~

P.S. Dear,i know that you today got abit frustrated of what i said,and not letting you help out with kelly's help, you may find that i may be demanding or what, but i just want to let you know, no matter what, you are the one that matters to me alot alot alot, for you, i know earning extra cash and money is very important, but to me, there's only one and only you,my one and only cutester, and i wish that everytime i see you, you are alive and kicking,cheerful,happy and healthy, because seeing you,will make me happy, dear please remember that i care alot alright,and please get well and dun push yourself too much uh~

JIAYOU JIAYOU!!!!

The Continuition of what happened~

Based on previous post, it was about what happened during that period of time~

After she told me the secret that she wanna share with me~

We actually went into dating state till 12 June 2012, where this was the date that we were officially together~~
The reason why we were together on this date, cuz she said that 12 is her favourite number, so yup, we both decided to be together officially on this very special date:))

That day was our first dine out and our very first date~~

I brought her to Riverside at Clarke Quay there to have a dine out and at a same time, confess to her to be my girlfriend~~

We hug each other and kiss each other by the riverside along the Singapore River, and I was happy at that time to see her dress up nicely and see her happy smile on her face that i could nver forget about it~

Seeing her smile will definitely make my day as she is my awesome cutester:))

So hopefully you might see this,cuz it's meant to be a surprise when the day you see my posts,hahaha~
Love you from the dark and within:))

The time and days after i got over with you~~

Ever since end of April till now, mid of October.
Lots of things had happened, and i shall slowly blog about the things that happened and the wonderful things that had happened around me~~

After NPAP, SYFOC was the upcoming event for my NP life~
However SYFOC was during june period.

But what about during May till June neh???

That's when the wonderful and awesome things happened~~

My friend You Wei aka Don aka Xiao Wan asked me to help out in the company that he is still currently working as a freelance trainer. That period of time, a camp was going on, called EDGE camp held in ITE Simei.

The first time i went there was to help out as a sentry person, sort of guard duty. So when i reached ITE Simei, I start to mingle around with the trainers there,introducing myself and knowing their names~~

So i met alot people, like Minsi, Nel, Ahmad, Taufiq, Muhammad, Kelly and a girl that caught my eye, Ahbiaa~~

When i saw Ahbiaa, Xiao Wan starts to introduce her to me,saying that she's his sister, as that time i saw her wearing his jacket and thought she was wearing his ring too, so i thought that they were good friend as i do know who's his real sister~

Then Xiao Wan tried to matchmake me and her as that period of time, I just got rejected and hurt badly because of a girl that i had a crush on~~ (However,now i think we are no longer friend,or maybe not??)

Then i said," I also going NS soon liao, also got no time to woo her"
Then Ahbiaa said," Who say go NS cannot be together??"

So at that time,what she said actually gives me a different side of her, thinking in my mind, like,is she giving me a chance to woo her??

As she is really a type of girl that i like,hahaha, small build(now chubby liao,hee hee^^),cute, and a outdoor person~~

So after few days, i officially became a permenant part time trainer in the company, and eventually got lots of opportunity to work with her.

When we were working together, i find her cheerful and have the leadership in doing the training and activity, and at times i find her very cute in the way she do, and eventually attracted me.

I dunno if i really like her or just find her cute, so eventually we start to be closer with each other, and people and campers thought that we were together, and that time we were that close till people think that way.

So one day the entire trainers team went out for a dinner with our boss, there were total of 7 of us including our boss(Delene) and co boss(Ahmad).

After we finished eating, me,kelly,minsi and one more person i forget who were in delane's car, while Ahbiaa was is Ahmad's van.

While on our way back, Delene suddenly ask me this qn, do i have feelings in Ahbiaa~
He kept pestering and pestering, keep wanting to ask the answer out from me, eventually i gave in and said," Yes la,have a bit~"

Then he suddenly burst out in laughter, i was wondering why??
Cuz he actually voice recorded it down in his phone, and that time i was like OMG!!!!

The spy, Kelly, is Ahbiaa good friend,so actually whatever happened in Delene's car, Ahbiaa actually knew what happened. And i thought that she didn't know what happened after i whine to her when we reached ITE simei.

Then few days later, she started to share a secret with me, and that time i was wondering,what was it~~
And ta-da~~

We are now officially boy and girl~~

Oh i mean boyfriend and girlfriend,hahahaha:DD

And we just got together for 4 months last 4 days, and still together happily:))

I love you my girl, hope you sees this and smile wide wide ohh~~~~

I think I'm totally INSANE!!!

Suddenly thoughts have been coming in my mind~~

And i then realised certain stuffs, I realised that we had only know each other for merely for 2 months....

And i start to confess to her, expecting her to be with me immediately~

WTF????

And it's definitely not because of me depriving of finding a gf immediately~~

Is because, I've been thinking about the future about me and her, happily together~

Laughing and enjoying~

But i guess it's just day dreaming ba~~

Certain days, I will think of the happy moments of me and her~~

And definitely certain days, I will think of all the sad moments of what i had done to her~~

Recently a friend of mine had told me about a story regarding a toothpaste~

He said that when you squeeze out all the toothpaste from the tube, it is rather very easy, but when you are asked to put back every single bit of the the toothpaste back into the tube, it's very difficult~

So the morale of story is saying that, it's easy to say out all the nasty stuffs out, but when you want to take it back it's difficult, and the remaining toothpaste that cant be put back, will be the scar that remained~~

She had been making lots of lots of lots of effort to touch him and to earn him so as to be with him~~

But do i have the same rights too, to do the same thing???

Deep in my heart....

You are worth it, but what if, it's nver gonna be working??

My heart is very contradicting.....

You are a amazing girl who i want you to be mine~
But you once told me that you are not easy to get~
There's sometime when i'm feeling down, and start to ignore you....
You said that if i really like you that much, i shouldnt just give up like that~

But how about now???????
You are still worth it.....
But you are no longer mine to be kept~
As your heart are given to another guy~~

Some told me, to continue to put in effort to earn her back, some told me to just give up~~
What about me??
I dun wanna give up on you~
But certain stuffs are not up to me to decide isn't it??
I do not want to be the one being persistent and the one keep pressurizing you~~
I want you to be happy and i want to be there for you when you feel lonely at night, want to have a shoulder to lean on whenever you feel like crying~

I am all willing to make all these effort~~

But i know that deep down in your heart, the one you want to have accompany of and the shoulder to lean on-------is him~

Love is Blind???

Love is blind??

Can it used to cover our mistakes that we had done???

Idk....

So i went to google search it~~
"

Origin

This was coined by Shakespeare and was quite a favourite line of his. It appears in several of his plays, including Two Gentlemen of Verona, Henry V and The Merchant Of Venice; for example, this piece fromThe Merchant Of Venice, 1596:

JESSICA: Here, catch this casket; it is worth the pains.
I am glad 'tis night, you do not look on me,
For I am much ashamed of my exchange:
But love is blind and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit;
For if they could, Cupid himself would blush
To see me thus transformed to a boy.

"
Even after reading this that was originated by Shakespeare, I totally dun understand what he meant~~

So i search again, and someone said this~


"
It means that when you are in love, the emotion, it can cloud your mental vision to see things clearly as they are. Its mostly used to state that there is a problem that a person can not see because they are in love with a person to which a problem is or exists. 
"


Perhaps seeing this answer, it will be more clearer of what it meant ba~

Sometimes people in this worse, may do lots of wrong things, silly things or wrong things just to salvage the broken relationships~

People may let jealousy, anger, sadness, or any other bad factors to salvage it....

For example, injuring oneself, or showing the weak side of them just to gain sympathy and hopefully that the other person will notice and return back to them to care and concern~

Another example, show how angry one person can get, by blowing his/her top, saying nasty stuffs, that dun actually meant it...

For example, saying stuffs like questioning the other person," Are you playing with my feelings" or whatsoever....

I then realised that when the person said this, he/she is totally accusing the other person like saying that that person is a player or what....

Sometimes people wanna get assurance, if whether the effort being made is progressing or not~~

When oneself got impatient and got carried away, he/she will start to lose his/her mind, thinking that all the effort being put in is not being acknowledge, and will tend to be demoralized and of course start to pressure the other person, getting even more afraid of losing the other person~

I dunno if anyone will agree or what, just the thoughts of mine~

Being together, trust is a very important factor, and to some people, what's really the definition of trust??

If one person start to lose the trust in other, no matter how much good intention the other person did, that one person will start to be defensive over that other person, thinking if he/she is still worth to trust~


In my life, I wasn't given much chances to salvage anything, no matter how much effort I wish to put in, people will start to bias against me, start to be defensive over me, and start to doubt me...

But that comes down to one thing, understanding...

I had always shut myself from everyone, working things alone, believing in myself, is all because of the stuffs that happened during my childhood life, getting backstab, best friends drifting away to the fun side...

That left me a trauma, that nver ever believe in other so easily, that build up my independent personality, or the loner me and barrier up my heart against others~


But i always try to believe that for all the effort that i had made, i believe that people will tend to understand me, and give me the chance to explain my act, and tend to stand in my shoes~

I dunno... There are quite few people really willing to give me the chance, is all because of my solitude attitude, the personality that shut people away~


That makes my life in a very disadvantage situation~

I dunno, how i wish that, I wun be so reckless, wun be so much negative of me and will still wish upon the chances to be given to me and give me the chances of all the effort that I will make!!