The history of how the Guy and Girl met~~

Chapter 1,Our story starts during Area 18 STC 2009, on 27 October till 28 October 2009, just 2 days.

I remember that time me and Cheryl is still together, and she was one of the coords of the camp, that period of one of good experience for us as the CIs that are available are really limited which is about 12 CIs only combining of both ATC and STC side including the Coords.

That time every group were only assigned with 1 CI only and my group have total of 19 cadets, and the number of 19 to just 1 CI was like WOAH!!!!

HAHA,so it's definite a challenge for me to actual remember everyone's name,and amazingly,i manage to do it~

And she was there, that time I didnt really notice much about her, as it was like 3 years back,haha, really old liao.

That time, is my second time going for ATC/STC as a Group Instructor, and my very first time taking STC, sec 3 group and someone a very big group. Really a very big challenge, though it's only for 2 days.

That time being a GI for them, i feel that as a Sec 3, they should be more of  independent as most of them are either NCO or Cadet Leader. So that time I let them be on their own and just observing from far.

Truefully speaking, this very group is the best group i had ever taken, and it's really from the bottom of my heart!! Best group and having the 2 Best Campers from OUR group!! Thanks for who it may concerned, making me your GI :))

And happy to know that some of you had became a CI and really wish to see all of you that became a CI, but i doubt that I will have the chance. And that when you all having POP during your CIBTC, i since now,regretted not being able to attend after i actually promised to attend:(
*and can you all spot her??? haha:D

Chapter 2 of how i met her,
It was during Area 20 ATC/STC, 26 till 27 November 2011.
That day was a Sat, so i was helping as a HRC trainer.

Actually during the camp i didnt notice her at all, till she come talk to me awhile and i then know that her name is Amanda. I didnt know much till the next day when after break camp.

After all of us break camp, we went to compass point to eat at KFC with area 7 people and with another 2 girls from west side one called Liyan and Amanda, and with Aloysius too.

And that was the time when she told me that I was her GI during her Area 18 STC, and i'm like woah!!

And i'm thinking that is she one of the female CI that went to the CIBTC J11 and thought that she was a different person from the one I'm talking with on FB.

So then, I went home and check, and I then realised that THEY WERE THE SAME PERSON!!!!
HAHAHAHA, I WAS LIKE OMG, WHEN I REALISED IT,HAHAHAHA:D


Chapter 3 of how i met her again amazingly~
It was on 4th December 2011, at about 12am plus.
Reason being why??
It was during Standard Chartered Marathon.
That day i was supposed to reach the reporting time at 1am.
So i decided to go and have Mac at Raffles City.

That day, i was like finding seat in the restaurant, thinking if i should sit inside or outside, so i decide to go in and eat since inside got aircon, so when i go in i found this high table but on the left hand side of the table, there's this two girls siting there, so i was thinking if i should sit there or not, and that time i walk pass her once, was thinking if i seen her before, then after i walk pass her twice,she notice me and called me then i realised that she is siting there with her friend studying,called Stephanie Rachael, dunno i spell correctly or not.
Then me and her start to talk more, i then learnt from that she and her friend is volunteering for Standard Chartered Marathon too.
But that time me and her didnt talk much too, cuz we weren't quite close~~

I guess i shall write till here, I think there will be more Chapter about me and her,so stay tuned^^

Let's have a short blog ba, before i go out~~

So the story goes like this which revolve around 3 person, dunno what kind of a relationship is this called, 3rd-party?? or triangle love??

I dunno, so you decide after hearing the story k??

So i shall list this 3 persons as Boy A Boy B and Girl A then~~

Boy A is crazy over Girl A, doing lots of effort to salvage the relationship with her and hope very much that they two could get together where before the quarrel, Girl A do have some feelings for this Boy A who destroyed every piece of this feeling....

However, this Boy B came in when Boy A and Girl A quarrel. This Boy B starts to have feelings for this Girl A, which eventually this Girl A start to have feelings for this Boy B.

Sounds abit sad and happy for Boy A and Girl A respectively~~

But then, got no idea why, this Boy B suddenly dun like this Girl A attitude and his feelings start to fade away...

So Girl A do not want to lose him, and start to crazy over Boy B and  make lots of lots of lots of effort to salvage the relationship with Boy B....

So now, can you people see the similarity of Girl A and Boy A for the effort that make for someone they both love and try to salvage???

There are so many things the Boy A wanna say to Girl A, he even wish upon that perhaps one day they may get together, but Girl A rejected Boy A and stubbornly said that, she will nver ever be with Boy A.

Even so, Boy A still love Girl A, but he can nver ever express his love to Girl A, as in Girl A eyes, the one that she really want, is having Boy B to express love to~

So this silly Boy A had decided to protect Girl A from the dark, and continue to care for her, but true fully speaking, whenever Girl A is sad and needed someone, Boy A know that he will nver ever be the first person to know, and when Girl A need someone, Boy A know that he is not the one that is needed~

Boy A start to pray to the God, that the silly Boy A and silly Girl A will get and granted the wish that they wish for :))

Day goes on~~

It's been weeks of suffering~~

Things may seems to get slight better~~

Working hard to make everything get back to how it was, and i believe i can do it to make my friends to feel different in their life because of me~

Trying to make everyone happy and get back the good friendship between each other, because it really matters to me when my friends start to have problem with their friends~~

Lots of things have to make effort in to salvage everything, and i know i can do it~~

Oh, guess so that I'm still gonna talk about her hahaha:DD

The matter of fact, she is in love with a guy, and that guy, sorry to disappoint everyone,but it's not me,haha~~

The way she treat that guy is how the way i treat her in the past~~

However the weird thing is, they are not together~~

But why???
-- I do not know why too, perhaps that guy is still considering or maybe he dun like her~~
---No idea~~

Last time the reason why i like her, is because of the effort and passion she will always place in a relationship, she will nver give up that easily and she will do everything to love the guy she really love~~

Maybe she might see this or might not, I still like you though i do not know when can i really say that i love you~~

You make me do lots of things that i had nver done in this entire life, like fixing puzzle, making cards, and true fully speaking, it really do need lots of effort as everything is done by myself~~

But still, no matter how much i try to concern about you, the one you really wish to hear from is still him~

Oh well, even though you said that we are gonna stay as how we are, but i will still chance upon even with the slightest chance, I will wanna be with you~~

Hope you stay healthy, be happy, feel loved and blessed:))

God Bless You~~

Love ya^^

things that happened so fast.....

Within 3 months.....

Lots of things just happened.....
3 months ago, met a girl....
suddenly get to know her more and suddenly be close to her....

1 month later during february....
suddenly have a crush on her, and decided to confess to her on valentines....

she said that she did not reject me nor is she accepting, as she do not know if it's a crush or not....
we were hanging around happily and sweet moments were created...

however another 1 month later during march....
everything changed....
i got jealous with her entertaining another guy....
and i lose my cool and scolded at her....
all i did was to care about my feelings and keep asking for alot from her and assurance from her,that made her eventually pissed off....
really regretted ttm,even till now, as it's all because that i am just too afraid of losing her....

another month later during april....
things got even worse....
she talked to me that we should end everything and should just remain as friends....
at first, i am fine and i thought that i could be very 潇洒...
but i realised that i cant....

then the next day,i was very very very sad, can feel the intense pain in my heart....
and till recently, came to know that there's a guy who like her and she also like that guy(i think,though she nver say so)

i was like....
omg....
and why issit him...
so i try to accept the fact....

den suddenly something happened between him and her....
i really dunno what happened....
she was very sad from what she posted on twitter though i didnt follow her, and i didnt know till my friend told me after my friend saw her tweet....

i was so damn worried, cuz she cried, and i want to be by her side to keep her accompany and i did not expect anything in return, just do not want her to be sad alone....
so i rushed down all the way to her house and talk to her....

and to my shock....

she is smiling away and laughing away saying that she's alright and fine....
in my heart, i was like....
you cried,and it's must be something very intense that you were sad the entire day....
how can a person just simply cried finish and smile and laugh the next moment?????
so in the end i got even more worried....
i don't know what else i can do.....

all i can do is to believe her that she will be fine....

The Day You Are Gone~~

Today is the 3rd day that you are gone in singapore~~

Tml you will be coming back from Bangkok and i will be gone for my 4d4n Ipoh,Malaysia Gopeng Adventure Camp le~~

I hope that you enjoyed your trip a lot with your bunch of good friends~~
The day that you are gone, I've been thinking a lot between us and absolutely got lots of thing i wanna tell you, I have been trying my very best as i promise you that I will get over with it and show you that I will be of a better person!!!

I hope that things will go back to how everything were before NPAP period and continue to talk to you happily:)

When I go for the camp, I will definitely miss Singapore,miss my home,miss my family,miss my friends and definitely miss you a lot~

So i hope that you will still wish to see me after i come back~

This is my schedule for the camp for whom may concern about it:

DAY 1

0800 Assemble @ SP

Pre departure briefing & Facilitation by NCC

1000 Depart to Gopeng

1800 Arrive at Gopeng

1900 Dinner/ Activity

2200 Lights out

DAY 2

0700 Check in and breakfast at adventure camp centre

0800 Camp rules and safety briefing

0830 Activities brief

0900 Team Building Station Games

1100 Caving at Gua Tempurung

1300 Lunch

1400 Whitewater Rafting

1630 Transfer back to adventure camp centre

1700 Activities debrief

1800 Wash up

1900 Dinner

2000 Free time - Preparation for campfire items

2200 Lights out

DAY 3

0800 Breakfast at adventure camp centre

0900 Activities brief

0930 Waterfall Abseiling

1200 Lunch at adventure camp centre

1330 Kampong Konnection Kompetition in Tube/Kayak challenge back to adventure camp centre

1730 Activities debrief

1800 Wash and preparation for campfire

1900 Dinner

2000 Campfire

2230 Lights out

DAY 4

0800 Breakfast at adventure camp centre

0900 Activities brief

0930 Pinnacle Rope Course

1200 Transfer back to adventure camp centre for lunch

1300 Activities and final debrief

1400 Pack up and depart for Singapore

1930 Dinner at Yong Peng

2030 Onward journey to Singaopore

2200(est) Arrive at Dover MRT

The Day You Are Gone~~

Finally decided to start posting on my blog liao~~~

Recently i start to like a girl since last 3 months not long after i had seen her~
The reason why i like her is because not of any stupid crush, but really true feeling towards her and what my heart is telling me~
I really do like her and want to really start a relationship with her as i know that she is someone that are serious in relationship and want to stay in a long relationship that nver gives up so easily~

I want to hold on tight to her very very much, till one day i hold on to her too tight till i start to pressurize her.....

There's one day, when we go out with her cliques, there's a friend of her who is really really funny!!
I do admit it that he's damn funny~~
That causes me to waive, and make me really jealous and make me feel really sad~

I feel jealous and start to lose faith in myself is all because that I am very afraid of losing you~~
You told me that you have the like feeling towards but not sure if it's a crush~
Makes me worried, that what if the like feeling starts to disappear and i will nver have the chance to like you and be with you~

So one day i totally lose my cool and blow my top and start to scolded her and trash out every of how i feel~
And eventually i made her angry, very very very angry.....

At that point i do not know what have i done.....

All i think is of my own feelings, overprotective of my own feelings and i totally neglected her feelings~
It's all because of my stupid depression.......
I know it's stupid to use my depression as an excuse....
After i hurt her so much.....
I start to feel the intense pain in my heart, i totally regretted and feel really remorse....

I start to hate myself for the nasty i said, i totally feel like killing myself and stabbing myself for all the hurtful stuffs i said to her~~

I lose the trust between me and her.....
And how much i wish that this incident nver happened.....

I dunno what i should do to erase this incident and the thing that i hate her so much.....

But i know that no matter how much i try to salvage the situation, the scar will still remain between us, and it will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life.....

Despite all this, I will not give up so easily~
I will do my best to salvage the situation and prove to her and show her my determination how much i want to be with her, how much i want to show her how sorry i am~
I know that all her friends will have hate me and cursing and swearing me if they know what i did to her~
But please believe me that i am really sorry and it's because of how much i like her and how scared that i will lose her that make me lose my cool~
Please believe me that i will not do this again and please have faith in me that i am gonna treat her even better than ever
I swear and i promise!!!

Please give me a chance ALPX~~

What's wrong with me??

For the past few weeks...

Many things happened~

Not in the sense of externally, but actually internally~

Venue: In my heart and mind.

What happened?

Thinking of lots of things~
Mostly unhappy stuffs, regretful stuffs, crazy stuffs or even insane stuffs that I've been through~

I've been dying to hang on...
Till i cant even sleep well,laugh well or even talk well...
Wanted to cry all out loud...

But...
The tears just won't cry out...

What kind of person i'm really am??
Can anyone judge me and tell me what kind of person i am??

But will that person even exist as i don't even know what kind of person i really am...

If anyone could tell me a solution how to cry out loud or to solve it,pls tell me...
Because i'm feeling terrible and terrible as time goes by...