Secrets??

Sometimes people do have secret that you somehow wanna let people know~~

But when you wanna let certain person know, how can it be called a secret neh?!

Is because that you dunno how to raise it to let that certain person and also because you dunno how to let that person know when it will be awkward to let that person to know as things are alr different between this two person.

But somehow somewhat somewhy, so I guess I'll just say my secret here ba^^

For the someone out there, I miss you...
And I sort of having alot of thoughts coming into my mind during the days that we were not together anymore...

The day when I say that, perhaps we should go our separate ways and maybe after 1 year later more if we were meant to be together, lets be together again...

Because...
You really love me alot that I dunno how to love you even more, that I feel so scared...
That you dun feel so loved anymore...

So what I did is to make you a very important person in my life...

I dunno if I did the right thing or not...

During the verge of breaking up...
I panicked, like I've nver panicked before...
I was so panicked that I wasn't thinking straight at all...

I was like, sigh, shall not elaborate anymore, haha

'soulmate' this word...
I somehow lost the importance of this word for certain time...

The very first time I start to fall in love in you, I told myself that i'm gonna be the one that will share your trouble, be there for you, listen to your problem, solve your problem and no matter what, always be there.

But no idea why...
I lose it...

The moment you walked of my life, I was devastated...

For the moment, I can feel like as though the time had stopped or rather rewind...

I still wanna say that...

I miss you every single day, every single night...

And I remember why the day I wanna you be my gf. ..

Because I wanna take care of you, I wanna love you and be loved by you and be the most happiest couple in this world.

Me filling up your imperfection and you filling up my imperfection.

So many so many up in my mind that even I dunno whether I should say or not to say...

So yeap, shall just leave it as it is ba...

Today went to khatib camp, from the cook house, where I could directly see your house, just made me miss you ultra ultra alot...

That my heart feel so pain for losing...

And losing such a amazing person like you is just a karma for me for not treasuring you by did so many wrong things, said so many rubbish stuffs, nonsensical stuffs...

Yeap, this is the few secret in my heart that shall not be a secret anymore from this instance anymore~~

Occupied heart

Let's have a short blog post baa~~

Roughly about 1 and half year ago~~

One girl once occupied my heart and i was so wanting to be with her~~

But because of my recklessness and my jealousy took the best out of me~~

I hurt her, she stuck in my heart for quite some time and that time i felt horrible~~

Follow which, i met another girl...

She decided to be with me~~~

She made lots of effort in me and in us~~

Eventually she entered my heart and kicked out another one~~

But now, things change, she is now stucked in my heart....

And i'll definitely wun be able to find another girl who is able to kick her out of my heart...

Because she is just too awesome, too good to me that a dumbass like me who dun treasure her so much at all...

Which only began to treasure her after she's gone...

Breakdown

While talking to my friend regarding us, talking about  the happy stuffs we had done.
I felt happy sharing about us with my friend.

But after that I suddenly break down, my heart suddenly gave way, and i went back to me bunk and hug my pillow with the strength I had.

And tears just burst out and wet my pillow, and i cried for about 10mins...

I always thought I can do it being strong, but I just suddenly breakdown...

Oh no...

Life of a Army Boy

Decided to revive this blog like after 23454364574 days~~

Ha, just some random numbers of date la, which a special girl taught me~
7 months had past, and now i'm a sergeant alr, a Scout Recce Specialist.

Being a Scout/recce spec is a very tough and challenging vocation as we are consider heavy load vocation carrying loads of 25-40kg, which compared to BMT field pack which is about 7kg.

But going out on a mission is not the toughest part being a recce spec, but is handling the troopers.
Handling my troopers are another tough and challenging job as they are all bunch of street smart people, or even smarter than me.

They are very well better than me,which the difference is only in the knowledge and the rank.
Which give me a very hard handling them everyday.

Everyday facing them, is so suffocating and making me even afraid to talk to them which giving me no confidence or even depleting them.
Being in the camp, everyday is a stress day, have to be very careful of what ever word i said or whatever action i did, everyday is like a test,exam,PSLE,O'Level, or even taking diploma exam every single day...

One wrong word, one wrong action i've done will have ruin everything and the respect they had for me.
That is what i am going thru, but i nver give up, continue to do my job, which is what making me extremely mentally shag out every single day.

And this kind of thing is what I am going thru, not sure about the rest if same thing is happening to them, but the feeling is giving me is that, it's only happening to me~~

But it's alright
Everyday i will keep myself busy, let time pass by fast,so that i can faster sleep, and the day will be over.
So just repeat the cycle 5 times, and the next thing you know ~

BOOK OUT LO~
Booking out is the best thing i ever had and treasure in my NS, because i'll get to see my love one that nver leave me and continue to love me.

She's a awesome girl, and a very sweet one, or should i say, the sweetest ever in my entire life.

She's been with me for 389 days alr
Created a private blog just to motivate me every single day i'm inside camp, just for my NS life,
total of 240 posts and still continuing~

This is the kind of effort she have made for me~

And i start to think...

What have i done in return....

And i start to wonder...

I couldn't have a answer in my mind....

What i do is just cooking her meals once in a while, talk to her, and that's all???

Pumping her with my negativity, which she hates the most, she tolerated and even help me solve my problem.

This is how awesome she is~~
She is so important that she had alr occupied 40% of my life, she's my listening ear, my helper, my organizer, my planner, my reminder, my everything.
And if one day she would be gone...
I really dunno what i will do or what i will be...

And now many guys are attempting to snatch her away from me~~
And my mind is so confused,my heart is so fluttered...
And what the one guy had done to her, is making me so worry,angry, and lots of mixed feelings...
Things really feel so screwed up now~

Dear Lord,
Please help us to solve all problems.
Pretty please!

My life in NS

Hey, let's continue my story being in NS~~

Being in Jaguar is quite awesome to me, as during the inter company games day within the sch, we won the champion for 3rd consecutive time~~
Which won us a day off!!

How many company actually have a day off after winning a games day nehh??

I dunno,perhaps other company also have it~~

After the 10 weeks of BMT~~

Comes the 1 week of block leave before i get posted to the next phase of my NS life~~

During the week of block leave,i actually planned to go overseas like to malaysia or some other place, but due to my poor financial management, the plans fail deep deep, and end up spending my 1 week block leave at home~

End of the week, the e-posting is out for where i am going, despite my crossing fingers and all the praying hoping to get into OCS~

I got into SCS & SWOS, Pasit Laba Camp~~

Which means my next phase of my NS life is being a Sergeant~

But that doesnt mean that i will not go for my dream~

I will continue to work hard, hoping that one day in SCS, i will cross over to OCS and eventually being a Officer~~

Training to be soldier~~

Training to be soldier~~
Fight for our land~~
Once in our life~~ 
Two years of our time~~

This are the few lyrics that we kept singing throughout our BMT period~~
Second part of the lyrics goes~~
Have you ever wondered~~
Why must we served??~~
Because we love our land~~
And we want it to be free to be free~~

When comes to this part, i do wonders sometimes, and i think, it should be, because we got no choice, and we lan lan have to serve have to serve~~

HAHAHA~~

But nvertheless~

Despite how much complain we wanna make, this is something that every man in singapore gotta go thru~~
At first,i wasnt really ready for it or even prepare for it, as i am really used to the days slacking whole day, doing what i want and not to do what i dun like~~

But here in army, we just got no choice but we just got to push ourselves and keep moving forward and not to think that when issit gonna end~

Being in BMT, friends are those that kept us motivated and keep us entertain or to complain to,as they are the one that are going all the shit and hardwork together with me~

Other than my friends in BMT, family plays a part too~
And her too, plays a huge part in keeping me going and going until the end~~

Because at the end of every week of hardwork and hardship, she will always be there waiting for me and welcoming me with big hugs and kisses, which i love alot alot alot~~

And i know that with her there, i know i can do it~
But i know i gotta be independent, because if one weekend i dun see her,what am i gonna do??
Of course, i will be fine, as though, she cant be there for me seeing her every weekend, but she will always be there in my heart forever, and that's what matters,mentally and physically^^

Thank you my dear~~
and i look  forward to the end of the journey doing this~~

During my Enlistment day~

Like i mentioned, my enlistment day was on 30 July 2012,monday~

That day my mom was the only one that accompanied me to BMTC~

My dear wished to come,and i wish too, however she's having schools on that day, that day i really do miss her alot that when i saw other people enlisting,their gf also came to send them off, so i do admit that i was quite a bit of jealous~

So i told my daer about it, she said this to me that, she know that if she were to come and send me off,she will definitely cry until the entire camp flood de, which i think it will really happened, that's how much my dear misses me and cant bear for me to go for NS~
However, i told her and assure her that we will definitely be able to go through it together de, really glad to have someone like her by my side~~

Okay, anyway, i got into BMTC School 2, Jaguar Company~

And i actually saw a handful of my friends that actually got into the same company as me

We will be going through,on paper 9 weeks of BMT but in fact i was 10 week of BMT as the first week is consider Week 0~~

So ya lor,kana cheated,hahaha

Before the day i book in, my dear actually accompanied me the entire day, as we all thought that we wun be seeing each other for 2 weeks~~

And when she was about to go home, she cried while on her way home, cried again when she reached home,cried when she was sleeping, and wake up the next day crying again, omg dear, where did you store all these amount of tears in your body neh??? Can cry so much oh,haiyo~~
Then i told her, dun worry la,i will only be confined for 2 weeks,after 2 weeks jiu can come out le~~

But i nver know~ the confinement period(but they call it adjustment period) is actually 2 weekends but not 2 weeks, so which means i will be confined for 3 WEEKS instead~~
When my dear know about it, she feel sad again, and cried again,hahahaha~~
My silly girl, every tear that she drops, i means how much i stand in her, and means how much i should treasure her and take good care of her, oh come to think of it, hahaha,stress~~

HEE HEE~~
jking la,dun worry my dear, i will definitely take good care of you de,cuz you know why??
cuz i love you:))

So smile always okay:DD

I love your smile alot alot alot alot~
:DD